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The Cardinal Rule of Blogging

I’ve learned many things in life.  Over the course of 40+ years you hope that you have and you hope that you continue to do so.  One of the things I have learned though, sadly, is that common sense is not always so common.  What one assumes is a basic truth may not be seen as one by all.  This became glaringly obvious to me the other night as I was scrolling through Facebook.  I felt the need to share this story with you and then it hit me, that perhaps we all needed a reminder of what I deem the cardinal rule of blogging (and life in general).

The Cardinal Rule of Blogging www.lovethehereandnow.comLet me give you a bit more background.  As I said, I was scrolling through my Facebook feed.  I am not a huge fan of Facebook in general but I do love it for the blogging groups that I belong to.  A post in one of the blogging/business owner groups I belong to (not one mentioned in my Facebook Groups for Bloggers post) caught my eye.  I read it.  I reread it and then I immediately got a pit in my stomach.  Here I was in a professional blogging/business owners group and a member had mentioned the group’s owner, a negative comment the owner had stated previously, and a rude comment about another blogger’s blog design (which the group owner had previously stated).  To make matters worse, the owner of the group “liked” the comment and others had chimed in.  I was shocked, disgusted, and sickened.  I closed my app and tried to put it out of my head.  I was so bothered and disturbed by this that I went back an hour later, reading it again, thinking to myself, “Surely grown women wouldn’t be acting like this or saying this.  I must have read it wrong.”  Nope.  The post was still there in its entirety with a few more likes and comments sadly.  I went to bed and stewed about it.

I got up the next morning.  Checked the group again, saw it still there and left there for all members to see.  I screenshot the post and started emailing the group owner and blogger.  I stopped.  I instead left the group and unsubscribed from the woman’s emails and newsletters.  I could have written her an explanation of why I was doing so but felt that someone with that little business professionalism was not worth my time.  So instead I am taking to my blog to share my thoughts.

The Cardinal Rule of Blogging

Ready for it?  It shouldn’t be a huge surprise nor should it blow your mind.  It’s a concept we should all be familiar with.

BE KIND

The blogosphere is huge.  It’s big enough for all us.  Do we all have to agree with one’s choices of content, design, monetization, or comments?  Not at all.  Quite honestly that’s what makes blogging so amazing.  We are exposed to views that differ from our own.  We see our blogs as a reflection of ourselves and in turn fellow bloggers’ blogs represent their likes and personalities.  A controversial topic, when written well, allows for a dialogue where people of different views can express their thoughts and opinions in a professional manner.  You may not see eye to eye yet kindness and professionalism keep you both in line, so to speak.

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In creating a community around your blog you want to create a space where your readers know that their thoughts and opinions, though possibly different from yours, will still be honored and respected.  When you foster a breeding ground where people are bashing others and you allow it, or even worse yet, join in, you are just as guilty in my opinion.

Sprinkle Kindness
Letterfolk Board

The Effects of Being Unkind

 

Loss of Readers

Let’s face it.  Lots of blogging content is recycled daily.  Want to know how to use the latest and greatest blogging tool or platform?  Google it.  I’m quite certain you will find a hefty number of bloggers with tutorials.  All that to say, we as bloggers are disposable.  Our readers can get information just as readily from the next blogger.  What keeps our readers coming back to us is our presentation of said information and the relationship we build with our readers. By going the extra mile and being kind you establish a trust and a reputation.

Loss of Income

All those courses, ebooks, and workshops you’re selling?  Word gets out that you’re rude and bashing others and watch your income decrease.  I will in no way support someone that puts others down as a means of making themselves feel better.

Loss of Respect

Those that are offering to help others grow their blogs and their businesses yet are rude to others makes me question how they got so far.  It makes me wonder about their professionalism, their honesty, and their integrity.  If they are so willingly bashing others in an open forum I can not imagine what is being said in private messages, texts, and emails.

How Can We Stop This?

Simply.  Create a space where others feel welcomed.  Create a space where opinions are valued even if they differ from yours.  Encourage your fellow bloggers.  Go the extra mile.  Lend a helping hand to someone starting out as a new blogger.  You were there once before yourself.  Are you a member of Facebook groups?  See someone struggling with something?  Can you help?  Offer them some tips, and/or kind words.  Avoid people that do not value kindness.  Do not support their blogs or businesses.

It’s not that difficult.

JUST BE KIND

No Act of Kindness

Surround yourself with those that value kindness.  That saying “guilt by association” does hold true in my opinion.  By supporting those that treat others poorly you are saying that it is ok with you as well. Whatever you do, don’t be that person that puts others down to make yourself feel better.  Ever.

Have you run into rudeness in the blogging world? How did you handle it?

The Cardinal Rule of Blogging www.lovethehereandnow.com

 

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  • Rachael | The Rachael Way

    Wow. That’s insane… I’ve experienced that a lot at my job (and some actions which honestly I think would result in what could be called workplace bullying. I can’t believe even in our fun hobby people act like this :/

    • Sad but true isn’t it? That’s exactly what it is…bullying! tear others down to make yourself feel better? That’s just wrong. Sorry yo have experienced this…no one should!

  • Alexis @ Chemistry Cachet

    I really love this post Anne! I had a similar experience not too long ago and it left a horrible taste for me. I thought why are people so mean. There is a blogger I know that is always doing this and she has a large influence, so it has made me pull away from all her stuff, including what she teaches. I am glad to know I am not the only one who has dealt with this, although I am disappointed you had to also. We should all be kind! You are so right!

    • What?? That’s awful. I just want to shout form the rooftops to avoid these people and not support them. It’s sickening. Sorry you have dealt with this too. So discouraging.

  • Sheryl @ How to Make a Life

    As I was first reading this post, I was so grateful to read that you left that group. Sadly, I believe we live in a world where negativity and bullying has become so commonplace that many do not even realize it as such – it is simply second nature. It is only when we speak up about it and discuss it that things will ever change. PS – I don’t blame you for not emailing them, I live in a world where I always ask if what I am dealing with is a battle I am worth fighting. These individuals would not have thought anything about you leaving and probably would have simply added you to their list to talk about. It’s so much easier to be kind.

    • I honestly went back and forth about that more thanI care to admit. I felt small not letting them know what I thought was wrong but then felt that if I had to explain the basics of being nice and professional they wouldn’t get it anyway. And I knew I would be fodder for their next post. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with me…I appreciate it and feel better about my choice.

  • Meagan

    No one has time to be a part of something that is negative. I am constantly amazed by the bickering and drama that can happen on the internet!

    • People are cowards behind their keyboards and screens. If you wouldn’t say it to someone’s face, don;t say it at all.

  • Emily @ Ember Grey.

    Seriously. SERIOUSLY. How?! Why!? HOW?! Ugh, it makes me so sad!!! (And is also one of the reasons I deleted my personal FB- I couldn’t take the complaining and meanness anymore.) And yes, you would think that a reminder to Be Kind wouldn’t be needed, especially for grown adult women, but I guess it is.

    • I want to delete mine as well but only keep it for the other FB gourds that are run so much better. They are a wealth of information and support for me. But mean people? They just suck. Plain and simple.

  • Erin

    I love this, such a good reminder! Good for you for leaving and staying true to your values.

    • Thanks Erin…..I am still blown away that these people did that. So rude and unprofessional and just downright mean. Grown women acting like children….ugh.

  • Llinos @ The Lilac Linnet

    I am sorry you experienced this. Much as I love Twitter I do see drama over there, but l prefer to spend time retweeting posts I like, and things like that, rather than feeding the drama.

    • No need for drama here either. Being mean and rude? Move along…you’re not welcome here! I love your kind heart Llinos!

  • Christine Everyday

    This is so important. I think kindness is becoming more and more important in the world today even as people are abandoning it more often. Maybe even because people are abandoning it. Thanks for this wonderful reminder.

  • Emily of Em Busy Living

    Yes to all of this! I finally just had to leave all of the blogging FB groups I had joined. They made me anxious, felt insincere, and were full of bickering. Not fun.

    • Ugh…bickering? That’s awful. Thankfully this is the only group I saw negativity in. The other groups are loaded with tips, support, and encouragement.

  • Bourbon & Lipstick

    Amen to this. You know I’ve shared similar posts lately because I’m just so tired of it. Some bloggers have left a bad taste in my mouth… I’m not always the nicest person, but I try to be kind and would never openly bash someone in that manner (or at all). Why waste your time? I’ll never understand it.

    • We all have our flaws and our moments where we get down and even jealous of others (human nature). We see where others are and envy their progress. Where people differ though is that they generally keep it in and in check. These ladies? Nope. You my friend, are a sweetheart. Love that youth share your thoughts and ideas and in a positive manner where we all can relate. I have never heard you bash someone.

  • Tabitha_tinywishes

    Yes. I’ve seen this. Alot. Women ( i say women because the majority of bloggers are women) can be so catty and mean. I wish it wasn’t like that. We should all be supportive of eachother, but sometimes all people care about is who makes more money or who has more followers. It’s discouraging. Sure noone likes competition, but if you are looking at blogging as a competitive sport, you are looking at it all wrong. And to criticize someone’s blog design is so mean. Maybe she didn’t have the money for a designer or maybe she’s just starting out. Or maybe SHE LIKED IT.

    • So damn true. Let’s just agree that there will always be people with more knowledge, more followers, and more money than us. And you know what? THAT’S OK. Numbers aren’t everything. But your personality and online persona? That says loads about you. Be nice always (and you my friend, are!).

  • Taylor Hoffman

    So So So true…I loved this post!!

  • TheAdventuresofBugandBoo

    I’m pretty lucky in that I haven’t seen too much overt negativity against a specific other person in blogging (yet). But I am not so naive as to think it doesn’t exist – cripes, I see crazy negativity against other people on FB simply from having a different opinion to someone else! Why do some thrive on being hurtful? Being kind is ALWAYS good advice!!

    • This was my first time and it blew my mind. I had to reread it several times. I wanted to shout to them and ask if they knew others could see their cattiness and negativity. They looked so unprofessional and rude. I still can’t believe it to this day.

  • Kristyn | Dash of Herbs

    Beautifully said. Support each other. Is it really that hard to do? I’m sick of so much negativity.

  • Ashten @ Just Go Left

    I’m throwing up my hands and yelling “PREACH”! When did blogging become a competitive sport?! To me, blogging is about creating a supportive, “me too” community. Let’s all be kind to one another!

  • Annette G

    That’s appalling! Preach it sister! Let’s go back to 2009 when I started blogging. NO ONE CARED what anyone else was doing because it was such a novel thing to do. I am glad I haven’t been privy to what you have been because talk about souring the milk. People need to step back from their ego, step back from their greed and understand that we rise by lifting others. Well done, Anne!

  • Whitney H

    I’ve really tried to distance myself from people who seem to thrive on negativity but I continue to be surprised at the amount of people who are posting daily rants on their social media pages about other bloggers. How unprofessional and inconsiderate! This is such a great post.

    • Thanks so much Whitney! Sadly it needed to be written to get off my chest. So many of us it seems have run into this…why can’t people just be nice and supportive??

  • Macy Volpe

    YES YES YES!!I was talking to some other bloggers about how horrible it is to feel the need to drag other bloggers down. There will always be people, blogs, etc that you don’t like, don’t agree with, etc but why do you need to bring it up in a public forum, or at all? And WHY would the owner of a COMMUNITY being putting themselves out there with such a negative opinion? Why can’t we just ignore those we don’t agree with, offer constructive advice or move on. If I am being honest, my husband knows all of my blogging gripes, my complaints about those that take advantage of readers, etc, but it doesn’t go further than that. We are all in this for different reasons, and one similarity should be the community on which blogging is built.

    • Yes! There are things that I wouldn’t do as a blogger but many others do and that’s ok. What works for you, works for you. May not be my cup of tea but others may not like my choices either. As long as we are both kind and professional that’s all that matters!

  • Tiffany Griffin

    I read this post on my phone this morning and had to hop over so that I could comment (not signed in to Disqus on my phone).

    Honestly, the way some people behave in Facebook groups in sickening, and down right mean. Just yesterday I was in a group where I witnessed something similar to this. People in the group started ganging up on this person, and it drove me crazy. I wanted to comment so bad, but I thought it was better to keep my opinion to myself.

    A little bit of kindness goes a long way. I try to always be encouraging, and mindful of my words.

    • And you are! You are an example of someone that supports others and encourages them daily….whatever you are doing keep it up because the blogging world needs more people like you! XO

  • Linda Cassidy

    I want to say that it is shocking but sadly society in general seems to have lost the be kind rule. Your words are so accurate and i love that instead of engaging you quietly walked away because sometimes lessons aren’t learnt ( learned hmmm) by those that need to learn, instead we teach ourselves the better way

    • Thanks Linda….I wavered between posting to them and among the blogger but ultimately the damage was done. No apology would make up for the lack of professionalism. I just don;t need to be taking blogging and business advice form a “professional” that bashes others.

  • Amanda Wood | Knock on Wood

    ALL. THE. YES. There have been several instances where I have had a similar experience with a blogger. It gives you a bad taste for groups or meet ups. But isn’t the point of blogging to nurture a community? Why do we feel the need to ostracize other and put them down just because they make different choices? It’s sad really. Even moreso because the whole world works this way.

    • It’s depressing and sickening. If we were all the same it wold be boring. Let’s be respectful and encourage differences and learn and grow from them and even better, let’s support others!

  • Erin_Unsophisticated Blogger

    Unfortunately, I’m never surprised when adults act like children. I WISH I could say every negative opinion that comes to my mind all day, but that’s just not the reputation I want for myself. More people definitely need to learn when & how to just keep their mouths shut. :/ and GOOD FOR YOU for not saying anything, but just removing yourself from the group.. It takes a lot of willpower!

    • I wanted to say something and in fact had typed up a response more than once but then I deleted it. I would just become fodder for the next post of theirs and I don’t need that negativity. Who does??

  • Tayler

    I love this. I think the worst is the GOMI site…I’ve had friends who have been torn apart on that site…I’ve never visited it, nor do I have any intention on doing so. That’s the worst about the Internet in general…you can insult and rage all you want because you are hiding behind a screen and you don’t have to worry about those you are hurting. The internet can be used for so much good in the world, but humanity also seems to be at its worst online.

    • Years ago I went to it after someone mentioned it. Once was enough…I will never go back. Cowards hanging out behind computer screens and keyboards bashing the people? Nope. Not for me.

  • It seems to take more energy to go out of your way and be mean. Just be nice.

  • jackie jade

    Ugh that is so crappy! I have definitely seen negativity out there and usually just ignore it, so good for you for addressing this! The internet can turn into an ugly place pretty fast but I’m happy to see that the blogging world is usually pretty generous and kind (luckily!!

  • Amanda

    This world seems to be becoming a disgusting, hateful place, and I believe social media is a big culprit. I’m trying to stay farther away from FB in particular for this same reason. It’s just so discouraging. I know there’s kindness in the world, it just is so easily overshadowed now. Very sad.

    • I feel the same way. In fact I was just talking to my daughter about that same exact sentiment the other day. I rue the day social media started!

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